I’ve Entered the Despair Phase

When I first was admitted to the hospital, I was furious that I would have to spend days in the hospital. Who wants to spend days in the hospital? Stupid expander. Stupid infection. Can’t it all just be over. Now I’m at the point where I’m feel I’m never going to get out of the hospital. I’m not bored – just tired of being hooked up to an IV tree and stuck inside.

The lovely view out my window

The lovely view out my window

Today’s doctor’s visits didn’t go as well as yesterday’s visits. The Infectious Agents (IA) doctor wants the expander out (which is what Dr. Kang said they would say). Dr. Kang wasn’t quite as positive for today’s visit. While the redness seems to have declined (although the IA disagreed with that assessment), there’s a black spot within the oozy spot. Most likely, that blackness is the expander showing through. If we can see the expander, the sore will not heal over it and we’ll just need to take the expander out. It could be OK, but the spot will need to be gone tomorrow morning. Otherwise, it’s time to plan surgery.

Surgery will entail taking out the expander, cleaning out the area, and letting it heal with nothing in the space. I would actually be happy if we got the expander out. The big negative would be since we wouldn’t put anything in that space, I would need a drain. I HATE drains with a burning passion. Drains ruin my life. Once everything heals, Dr. Kang would go back and put in the implant. I’m torn – getting the expander out is a major bonus, but having a drain is one of the worst things.

Best case scenario, I could have surgery tomorrow night and be home within 24 hours. It depends on the availability of the OR. Tomorrow morning I’ll know more. It’s all so up in the air and dependent on how things are looking. We’ll see how it looks in the morning.

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